This is my fourth week of posting here and the satisfaction I get is minimal. I just learned about tags today so maybe that will get some more interest going into my rambling thoughts. The week was good but a little strange. Work had some modifications in processes, home was normal, and I feel Ok.

     Me feeling Ok is simply, I got a little tired and slacked off on my workouts. I guess my body needed a break, or just mentally I needed one. The supplements seem to be working great, but after one more round I will cease to take this stack and probably move back to Celltech and NOS. I have learned that this method puts on mass, but a lot of it is water. When I stopped taking celltech, I started to lose weight. I’m now down 13 pounds in about 3 months. Once I hit 160, I guess I’ll just have to eat like a true pig to keep the weight up. I want to lose the gut, but I also want size added everywhere else.

     Work, what’s to say. We’ve been asked for more accountability and I will give them that. It was sorely needed. Now they are wanting to destroy trees to get it by senseless paperwork. You know how much I hate this. In todays world there is almost no need for paper.

     Home was home. The puppies are growing rapidly. One almost got on all fours and the boy is definately the more vocal. I was worried about Fiona because she was sleeping alot, but she seemed much better yesterday. Maybe it was just the fact she got her ass end cleaned up in the bath. That’s got to feel better. Fury acts more like a Father and I think he knows what they are now. Baron seems to have calmed a lot. I can tell now that he just wants to play like everyone else. He’s been a great friend.

     Patti seems to be doing fine. She got her website almost done. There is a week and a half left she says. She does seem to have begun to abandon the house work though. The meals have become simpler and the cleaning  less than before. The philosophy has become, why clean it when it will just get dirty again. This won’t work. I know the animals are a lot to take care of and they are the reason for just about all of the mess. Of course, now you add in the pollen, and you have a disaster on your hands. Thank goodness for the rain yesterday.

     I do complain a lot and I’m working on not doing so. I read something this week which stated, don’t compare or compete. I’m trying real hard to do this, and adding in the don’t criticize, condemn or complain philosophy also. I’m working on doing what I need to for myself and simply observing the rest. Not making judgements, just assessments of how it fits in nature and my life. Since my life will be over some day, I want to be the best I can when I go.

This is just one of those Confucian sayings I’ve said myself a billion times. My belief in this is so strong, you could never convince me otherwise.

     Everytime someone does something bad, the weak try to find a scapegoat. These come in many forms such as the movies this person watched, their friends, the video games, all other external circumstances. Very seldom and I do mean seldom (to the point of being rare), does society place blame where necessary. It all boils down to the parents and how they raised that child.

     We are becoming a nation of wussies. A man, when he does wrong, should feel great amounts of pain. When the pleasure of doing wrong is outweighed by the pain he will feel when he does wrong, he will stop. Even if that pain is emotional, which I believe is the best, he will stop. However, we sit back and try to find humane ways to kill inhumane people. It just doesn’t make sense. You kill, you die. You Steal, you lose your hands. You rape, you lose your genitals or die. You molest a child, you die. See how simple that is.

     Some of you out there even argue that the cost of putting someone to death is more expensive than keeping them in jail. REALLY???!!! Ask any redneck, soldier, farmer or hunter just how much it costs to take a life. I guarantee it is less than 50 cents regardless of the ammo you use. You need to lose some genitals, it simply takes a rubber band which is probably about 2 cents. And of course once you buy the machete, it becomes more cost effective the more you use it for lopping off hands and feet.

     Rewards and punishments must be great for if they are the people will not hesitate to stand by your side.

Doctor: Lack of medical helicopter cost actress – MSN Movies News.

     I was just sitting her looking through the news and I am saddened by an unexpected death of someone like Natasha Richardson. She was reported to be a good person and very giving.

     Then you have the doctors, emergency personnel and the ski instructor all trying to save their own ass and say “I did everything I could, it wasn’t my fault.” Of course the ski instructor immediately claims she rushed to the scene and vehemently urged Mrs. Richardson to go the hospital to no avail. (Obviously not her fault). Then comes the emergency personnel, what could they do, spend a half hour diagnosing that she had a problem (I believe that was already determined), then proceeded to take her to a hospital that had no head trauma specialty in their repertoire. So now we will spend another two hours to get her to the correct hospital. (Couldn’t possibly be their fault)

     Then come the beloved doctors, the fought diligently and fevershly, but to no avail. (Definately not their fault)

     Upon doing some research on epideral hematomas, I found this:

Mortality/Morbidity

Mortality rate associated with epidural hematoma has been estimated to be 5-50%.

• The level of consciousness prior to surgery has been correlated with mortality rate: 0% for awake patients, 9% for obtunded patients, and 20% for comatose patients.
• Bilateral intracranial epidural hematoma has a mortality rate of 15-20%.
• Posterior fossa epidural hematoma has a mortality rate of 26%.

As you can see, the highest mortality rate is the posterior fossa at 26%, but even a patient who is comatose (Natasha), mortality is at 20%. So now I ask you, this doctor, Montreal’s top head trauma doctor, who by the way, says “It’s impossible for me to comment specifically about her case, but what I could say is … “, is really going to try to blame this on a lack of a trauma helicopter???

     I think it is appalling that all these professionals could not stop something that at best has a 26% mortality rate, not to mention with all their rhetoric, she was injured on Monday and did not die until Wednesday, and you want to say 4 hours determined her life. I’m no neurosurgeon, but it seems the operation, although risky is still a fairly simple one. That is only my opinion. Quit trying to put the blame somewhere else and tell these people to take responsibility. Or better yet, realize, when it is your time, nothing will stop it from coming.

     It started out good just being able to work in town, about 5 minutes from the house. Then it got better. Our little Fione had 4 puppies. She seems to be a great mother so far, barely leaving their side to go to the bathroom for herself. It got so bad I said if I didn’t see her poop, she was going to the vet. Of course nature takes care of all things in their time, not mine. She did go and seems to be fine.

     Patti and I had a verbal go around yesterday that seemed to end well. Learning that my arrogance and selfishness are two things that get people aggravated with me, is something that I guess I have not learned yet. It seems that I am still overbearing and think that my ways are better than everyone elses. In truth, it does not matter, because again all things will work out as they are supposed to. I apologized, but as usual, I don’t think she believes me.

     On brighter notes, my workouts are going good and I feel great. According to the measurements, I seem to have made some gains. One thing learned is that creatine will pump your muscles full of water for recovery, but when you stop taking it and the water goes away, you find you haven’t made the gains you thought you did. When I saw that people put on 10 pounds from one jug of celltech, of course the response is “WOW, I want some!”. Then the realization hits that it is mostly water weight. I want lean muscle mass, so what I get, stays.

     Baron has been great this week, although with all the excitement, he has hurt himself again. The limp seems to be coming from the back leg this time. I’ll be getting him some buffered aspirin today. Fury, poor thing, his world has just been turned upside down. His best friend has nothing but growls and snips for him. I hope he will understand and not let this affect their relationship later. They got along so well.

     My goal this week is to just keep my spiritual goals in focus so that I may treat Patti better and hopefully make our relationship stronger.

New Momma

     Here we are March 20, 2009 and Fiona has given us four new family members. She is new to the whole birthing thing, so not everything was perfect. She seemed a little distracted from her previous pups when delivering another. She wanted to travel the house.

     All ended well though. Patti helped her birth them, and sadly my job was to just keep everyone else away. Now that this part is done, she seems to be taking to the motherhood role very well. She is protective and diligent about them eliminating waste. Amazing how they know to do that!

     We’ll be putting them up for adoption with a strictness on who can adopt. I don’t want just anyone with the money to walk away with a life. Puppy mill type people are everywhere and I want to make sure they are going to families who want the companionship of a Westie in their home.

Obama bans downer cows from food supply – White House- msnbc.com.

     I’ve seen this article this weekend and wonder, WHAT, takes so long to do the right thing. The first case of mad cow disease in this coubtry was 2003. Six years later we finally decide that greed should not affect what we eat? Then along comes the infamous video from a Humane Society worker showing just what is going into our food supply and how the animals are treated. It is horrible enough to see how these animals are treated, much less to know what we all know and that is for it to be in that condition, something is wrong with it and should not be eaten. Poor farmer, he would probably go broke if he did not put our health at risk

     “The Bush administration in 2006 dramatically scaled back testing for mad cow disease. ” I guess we needed to focus on foriegn policy more so than make sure our food supply is safe. Sometimes I think Bush’s plan was such that, if he neglected us enough, we would die off from disease and hunger, that he could get anyone left to join the armed services just so they could live decently. Then his army would be large enough to attempt a takeover of the world.

     The truth is, he just isn’t that smart. Ancient rulers even knew that the first people you take care of are your own. Then if all is well, you go out and conquer others. Had Ghengis Khan, Napolean, Alexander, etc not gone out and fought with their troops, they may very well have taken over the world, because they understood what it meant to “take care of your own”.

     Boy, where to start. Patti went to the doctor and I am guessing that the news is good, because she seems happy with visit. She has told me some of what transpired, but I got hung up on her explanation of the abusive relationship between the two of us. And of course Angel. This entire line of thought sent me completely off kilter for the whole week.

     Patti has never bought the fact that my indescretions are painful for me. They are and sometimes even more so when they are recalled, because I know then that there is no forgiveness yet and that the other persons pain is still there. I have never wanted to hurt the people I love.

     On a brighter note, work is changing as John Long is out and his California investor is in. It sounds as though the whole operation will be better run. My supplements came in and the DHEA seems to have a real boost on mood. I think it may be what knocked me out of my little depression. I will resume working out today to achieve my goals in fitness.

     On Bodybuilding.com, I’ve found all the tracking materials I was trying to create on my own, so I am happy to be filling in all my info there. I intend over the next 6 weeks to make tremendous improvements in my physique. Fat loss and muscle gain. Well, I am off to my weekend. See you next week!

Growing Old

     We are all growing old and given the current path I am on, I surely hope I can be this fit when I am his age!

     In my life I have done some horrible things to other people. Genuinely not meaning to hurt them, but when you drink alot and think only of your self, it happens. As I grow older I seem to get better at not hurting others, but it seems there are some who never forget and from time to time bring it up and at that point I know they have never truly forgiven. My belief is that when you have forgiven, you will then, maybe not forget totally, but they will become diminished to the point where you no longer can state specifics.

     Since I was a child, I’ve held the belief that the only thing worth keeping in memory is good stuff. When bad things happen, if you have any kind of conscience, you feel bad. Why continue to relive that over and over and over?! I control what stays in my brain and I choose to not give negativity a foothold and therefore choose not to “remember”.

     I was told yesterday, that this is now insulting to a person I have hurt many times. This is where I am at a loss for words. Our relationship seems to be going so well and then BOOM! Back to the pain and sorrow. Feeling down, depressed, and genuinely horrible for the things I’ve done is not a state of mind I enjoy, but it seems that it is where I’m supposed to be.

     The truth is that I have moved on from these instances and have developed my selective memory talent to an art, because now I truly can’t recall what I’m being asked. So now the question becomes, do I stay positive and happy by remembering only positive events and thereby continue to be the shallow, heartless jerk that I am being made to feel I am, or do I remember all the bad things I’ve done, give them all my attention and then become severely depressed, which in turn will only make me more shallow because I am then thinking only of myself?