For those of you who may still follow me after my long absence, I’m back and ready to get back to some new topics. My life is chaotic at best, my mind is completely off right now, and my heart is trying to heal. Not that any of this truly matters, but I guess splitting with your wife of 13 yrs will do these things.

I have been trying many things to keep my mind busy, but it is just too powerful. I can drink myself into oblivion, and I still only have one thought, why has my life gone on this path? I can surf the internet all day, and at the end of the day, the same thought occurs! It seems no matter what I do, I look backwards now and wonder what I did so wrong along the way to make my life what it is right now. We do reap what we sow, so I’m wondering, just how bad were the seeds that I planted?

But, as with true S.Taylor form, I don’t stay in these moods for long. I’ve been here for 2 months now, by FAR the longest I have ever been in this state of mind. I’m now getting back to looking forward, life is not so bleak. I’m not a horrible person, I’m a good person who has put himself in a bad situation. It will do me no good to beat myself up forever, because the present and future is all that matters. I cannot and would not, change the past. I will know the good things that are just around the corner.

The places I have been in the past two months and the things I’ve done, I’ll keep off the public blog but will give answers to those that ask. Let’s just say, anyone in their right mind would wonder if I was trying to commit suicide by default. And I will say, the thought of death or dying myself, has no more emotion for me than sitting down to have a beer. I seem to have reached a new plateau of thoughtlessness and I, at this time, genuinely could care less if I died tomorrow or at age 100. I have decided that I will no longer be bound by limits that I or anyone else have placed on me. I have never agreed with the conservative society with all it’s rules on how things should be and what you should do, I’m going to do what I want to do even more aggressively than what I used to.

I just got a job offer yesterday, it is in Wilmington, which is somewhere I do not want to be, but, it is work. It is sales and I will make the best of it. It’s been a long time since I’ve been in sales, I’ll have to brush up the skills a bit, but I believe I will be the once famous powerhouse salesman again in no time. ( How’d you like the arrogance there, see, I am getting better) LOL!!!

My biggest dilemma now is, where do I want to live? I have definitely ruled out  Augusta for many reasons: 1. No coastline to visit, 2: Parents in the area, 3: Dreary ass weather, 4: Back to number 2, parents have become VERY opinionated and negative and they have lived here all their life, I do not want to become like them AT ALL!!!

My preference will be Florida, somewhere. I like the Southern Florida area, but would prefer west coast, not east coast. It looks as though I will be locked up in NC at least for a little bit until I get my feet back on the ground. And get this, after months of searching for a decent job, I get one, and it just so happens to be selling life insurance and annuities, and immediately my Dad says turn it down because Obama is ruining that industry.  $600.00 per week to train for 7 weeks, I think I’ll take it for now, make the most of it and see where it goes. If they pay $600.00 per week to train, I’m sure the real commissions will be wonderfully surprising!

Bye for now, will write more later on my NEW life and all the adventures I know I will encounter!!

Just read the most interesting article, http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/health/8132857.stm . The Canadians have just figured out that if you are a negative person, just telling yourself to be happy through mantras will not make you happy, it will probably make you more depressed.

I’m 42, and for 24 of those years I have followed some of the best self help experts in the world. They all knew then that just talking to yourself will not do it. Talking is 7% of communication, tonality is 38%, the other 55% is physiology. To tell yourself that you are happy, grateful, superior, or whatever uplifting phrase you choose to use, must be said with conviction, belief that it is true, and followed by actions that support that new belief and emotion. I can tell myself that I am an astronaut. I can even say it with conviction and fake myself into believing it. However, the moment someone asks me to pilot the space shuttle, my world crumbles around me. Then I feel depressed, scared, embarrased, guilt, etc (all bad emotions), due to the fact I took no action to make my new belief a reality.

Personally, I dove into self help with no guidance other than “Unlimited Power” by Anthony Robbins. For me it was perfect, it read just like a text book,or instruction manual, if you will. That is how my brain works, very logical and methodical. Today, the self help world has gotten diluted with many people who have no idea what self help really is. It took me many years to realize just how to effectively make changes that last. My initial changes did not last. I wasn’t living the life to support my changes. And now too many self helpers think it is OK just to tell someone to tell themselves, “I am happy”.

Now, people looking to self help, should get guidance from someone who has been there, with lots of experience. I advise them to check out the person they are going to confide in. Just as the fact you would not trust your physiology to a quack doctor, definately don’t trust your brain to a quack life coach. They can cause considerably more pain than the physician, because they will create for you a life of complete turmoil, and it may become irreparable.

If you should still choose to do it on your own, remember this above all else, “You must walk the talk!”, if you don’t, you will not achieve your goal, no matter what the goal is.

As far as the Canadian researchers, sorry it took you so long to figure this out! I can give you some lessons if you like!

     I have always been fascinated with that wall. The amount of time and effort it took to build it. The energy output to keep it in shape and secure. The many beliefs it took just to create the idea of such a barrier are immense. Since all actions begin with a thought, what were those thoughts?

     First I guess you must believe that someone is out to hurt you. This could have been a civilization living right next to you for a very long time, and now due to some event, you feel that they are going to destroy your way of life. Then would come the thought that “I must detach from them in order to stay secure, keep my way of life as it is.” If I give in to their way of thinking, I’m certainly going to be ruined.

     Secondly, you must analyze to what extent you must become detached. Is it a line in the sand? Or barbed wire fence? or maybe even a brick wall. These are so small in comparison to the Great Wall. It was meant to keep people out Forever. There was never a line in the sand or small fence. No, it became a monolith in it’s own right. Why, when on the other side is a tremendous familiarity. Surely at times even a friendly neighbor with whom you endevored in trade, laughed with, cryed with or for, even physically attracted to.

     This monolith was created over time with many spent tears and heavy emotions. Lives were changed on many different levels. As it was reinforced, you begin to notice some trying to cross the barrier, but to no avail. You alone have total control on who comes in and out. Oh, the things you will miss by having such a grand structure under your control.

     It has been built with such complexity that it may never be abolished. The items that may be found by doing so could detroy everything we think we know. Our beliefs of what is and what was, may be found to be untrue. I have seen this wall first hand. It is enormous, strong, imperveable, weather resistant and never ending.

     Upon trying to scale this wall, I encountered many obstacles. First being, there are no hand holds to grab onto. Then there are the daggers that protrude from the wall, designed to cut you until you realize that your efforts are futile. At times the wall seems to disappear, but this too is an illusion. Just when you gain hope by it’s disappearance, it screams back into existence all in the name of causing extreme pain. You try and try, encountering more and more obstacles until you feel you can go on no more. Then it hits you, “Why am I torturing myself like this?”

     Avoiding pain is an inbred trait that we cannot swerve ourselves away from. As much as we think we want what is over that wall, we start to realize, maybe it’s not so bad where I’m at. So then we begin to ignore the wall and move away from the pain it causes us. Because it is then we realize the one fatal flaw of the wall, it can’t follow us. It is the sole property of the owner and simply cannot move until they move it.

     So as I end my story, it was detrimental to the evolution of any relationship to build the wall. Even worse to maintain it and make it stronger. Sadly enough, the wall, until it is moved, will cause nothing but pain to anyone who encounters the monolith. Surely, if you have built a wall, you must realize on the other side are people who knew you at one time and are hoping that the wall will be demolished so that they may once again enjoy your presence.

     Should you decide that your wall is more important, only you know what you will lose by keeping it!

Nan-in, a Japanese master during the Meiji era (1868-1912), received a university professor who came to inquire about Zen.

Nan-in served tea. He poured his visitor’s cup full, and then kept on pouring.

The professor watched the overflow until he no longer could restrain himself. “It is overfull. No more will go in!”

“Like this cup,” Nan-in said, “you are full of your own opinions and speculations. How can I show you Zen unless you first empty your cup?”

     The lesson is seems easy, but can you do what it suggests?

     My dog Baron is a great companion. He has been there for us many times as a friend and protector. Most of the protecting has been from bugs, but he does it without question. As a friend, he listens intently, knowing exactly what you are saying. He does not need doggy speak or shortened sentences.

     He came from nowhere, appearing one day on our lawn with mother and 7 other siblings. We knew the neighbor who was raising them and did not want any harm to come to them, so we took them in. This was Friday and we did not connect with the neighbor until Sunday afternoon. I cannot describe the chaos that ensued that weekend. Trying to housetrain 8 puppies so your house is not destroyed, is a chore in itself.

     We were given the choice of puppies as a sort of payment for protecting them. We chose the one who had been at our feet the whole time. He was very docile and seemed to understand the brevity of the situation and did not want to add to the chaos. Nevertheless, we named him Baron von Chaos.

     When I say he is intelligent, I mean brilliant. He house trained himself. He took a dump in the house, turned and smelled it, then proceeded to go outside. I told him that was the right thing to do if he had to go. He never used the bathroom in the house again. We aquired a bassett hound at one point, she came out of nowhere too. One day we could not find the hound, so I asked Baron where she was. He had never heard these words before, but took off through the woods. I followed and guess what we found, the bassett hound. He has through the years astounded us with his extreme intelligence and continues to do so in his old age.

     The protection he has given us, is mostly in his size. He weighs 140 now, and is almost 3 feet tall. The most prevalent comment we hear is, “That’s the biggest Shepherd I’ve ever seen!” My phrase is, “I wish I had a dime for every time I’ve heard that!”

     His muscles are extremely impressive. I never understood how people could get mauled by a single dog, then I saw him attack another dog, territorial dispute, and in two lunges the other dog was bleeding profusely and simply trying to get away. His jaws are so strong he literally crushes the interior of a golf ball without taking the skin off, all in one bite. I knew then to respect him and never treat him bad.

     With all that said, he is the most gentle dog I’ve ever had the pleasure to know. He can eat from a fork and his teeth will never touch the fork. When eating from your hand, he can sense your fingers, and if he touches one he immediately retracts until he knows you are ok. He has played with puppies and kittens and I have never heard a yelp from them even when playing rough. It’s as if he knows his size and strength and is very adept at knowing where his body is at all times.

     My best friends life is drawing to an end and it pains me greatly. I fear that his heart will outlast his body. Nothing is going to hurt me more than having to make that decision. I don’t know if I can.

 http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/30539063/?ocid=MSNToolbar130 / Catholic Bishop on Obama at Notre Dame

    I call you out. Understanding your position is easy and logical, but let me ask you one question after you read the facts below:

Facts on Induced Abortion in the United States

July 2008

INCIDENCE OF ABORTION

• Nearly half of pregnancies among American women are unintended, and four in 10 of these are terminated by abortion.[1] Twenty-two percent of all pregnancies (excluding miscarriages) end in abortion.[2]

• Forty percent of pregnancies among white women, 69% among blacks and 54% among Hispanics are unintended.

• In 2005, 1.21 million abortions were performed, down from 1.31 million in 2000. From 1973 through 2005, more than 45 million legal abortions occurred.[2]

• Each year, about two percent of women aged 15-44 have an abortion; 47% of them have had at least one previous abortion.[3]

• At least half of American women will experience an unintended pregnancy by age 45[4], and, at current rates, about one-third will have had an abortion.[5,6]

WHO HAS ABORTIONS?

• Fifty percent of U.S. women obtaining abortions are younger than 25: Women aged 20–24 obtain 33% of all abortions, and teenagers obtain 17%.[7]

• Thirty-seven percent of abortions occur to black women, 34% to non-Hispanic white women, 22% to Hispanic women and 8% to women of other races.**

• Forty-three percent of women obtaining abortions identify themselves as Protestant, and 27% as Catholic.[3]

• Women who have never married obtain two-thirds of all abortions.[3]

• About 60% of abortions are obtained by women who have one or more children.[7]

• The abortion rate among women living below the federal poverty level ($9,570 for a single woman with no children) is more than four times that of women above 300% of the poverty level (44 vs. 10 abortions per 1,000 women). This is partly because the rate of unintended pregnancies among poor women (below 100% of poverty) is nearly four times that of women above 200% of poverty* (112 vs. 29 per 1,000 women[3,1]

• The reasons women give for having an abortion underscore their understanding of the responsibilities of parenthood and family life. Three-fourths of women cite concern for or responsibility to other individuals; three-fourths say they cannot afford a child; three-fourths say that having a baby would interfere with work, school or the ability to care for dependents; and half say they do not want to be a single parent or are having problems with their husband or partner.[8]

The AFCARS Report

How many children were in foster care on September 30, 2006? 510,000

How many children entered foster care during FY 2006? 303,000

How many children exited foster care during FY 2006? 289,000

    Can you do the math? We are already losing the battle in the foster care and adoption rings. If your stance was approved to make abortion illegal, we would be adding over 1,000,000 children to an already stressed system. Who is going to take care of all these unwanted children? You?

     Of course you would answer that question as a yes. That is until you consider the fact that all families would need to take in another child every 5 years until you die. By the time you hit 70 you will have had 10 children, not your own. You would still be working to support 4 of them. Family vacations would be a joke and you can completely forget about enjoying the golden years with your spouse.

     If you are one of those willing to make all these and more, sacrifices, I applaud you. Please introduce yourself though, because, to date, I have not seen a christian, or other human, that giving yet. Truth is, I doubt I ever will. It is easy to take a stance when you are not willing to follow through and be a part of the inevitable solution. It is hard to actually follow through.

     I believe all life is sacred. I don’t think unwanted animals should be euthanized, but if they were not, who would take care of them all. It is sad fact, but a fact nonetheless. I will not sit here and fight euthanization because it is necessary, just as abortion is necessary.

     We all have experienced the dreaded sleepless night when the next day is a work day. Upon waking, the only thought on our mind is, “I don’t want to go to work!” Then we begin a dialogue that traverses the entire morning until at the last minute, we decide, we are not going to work.

     I don’t want to go to work. I have to go to work. Work sucks and I don’t want to go. My boss will get mad at me if I don’t go. Who cares what he thinks, he’ll get over it. But if I don’t go in, the project won’t get done right or at all. Oh well, I’ll catch it up later. How much money will I lose if I take today off? Wow, that much, let me see if I can afford to take it off. No, but what the hell, live a little, right. No, you can’t be that irresponsible. Everyone else does it, why not me?…………………………………………………………On and on! I’m not going in!

     Now that that has been decided, what is my excuse? Sick, family emergency, dog chewed my tire off, hair is falling out, car won’t crank, cat peed on my clothes(all of them), I have Spring fever, I’m still drunk from last night, city is paving my street, I’m going into labor, my hair is green, my agoraphobia is kicking in,…………………………………On and on. Then you decide on the only rational excuse there is, I’m sick!

     Now all this stress actually makes you sick, so you spend the day lying around on the couch feeling guilty about calling in. This causes more stress and throughout the day, you continue to ask yourself, should I have just gone in. Now you are back to arguing with yourself again and getting more stressed out. The kicker is you can’t leave the house, because you called in sick and you can’t be seen in public in fear of being caught in a lie.

     Wouldn’t it have been easier just to go to work?

Now this company has some ideas on energy. Love their innovation!

     Hey all you who read and/or follow my blog. Lately I’ve been getting the “Yo great name for a site like this”! I don’t understand why so many people are commenting on this. Have I hit a creative milestone? I think not.

     If these comments are because of my empty thoughts, well I never promised a thrilling mind tingling experience. If it is due to the master of nothing phrase, well that’s what I am. I’m pretty decent at alot of things, but great at none. Do any of you know what Shifu xu means?

     If all the comments are sincere, and I hope they are, then a great thanks goes out to you for reading and letting me know you enjoy. Happy reading to you all! I’ll post more in a little while.

     This weekend I spent amazing amounts of time coming of age on the internet. I’ve learned just how technologically behind I have become. My new sites are Twitter(it’s more fun than everyone makes it out to be), Fark, Stumble, Technorati, Plaxo and I’m developing a Blog to be my company website (man is it easy to do and you can change appearances at the click of a button).

     On my facebook account, I decided to become more social and connect with people from the past. It is a joy to see where they have gone, what they have done and what they have become. Of course it is pleasing that they at least remember me enough to accept my friend request. It has been a long time.

     My circle of friends in school was average I guess. Now that age has crept up on me, I wish I had been nicer to them. My arrogance and selfishness probably cost me a few friends.

    All I can say is, now is not then and I’m happy for those that are giving me the chance