Just read the most interesting article, http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/health/8132857.stm . The Canadians have just figured out that if you are a negative person, just telling yourself to be happy through mantras will not make you happy, it will probably make you more depressed.

I’m 42, and for 24 of those years I have followed some of the best self help experts in the world. They all knew then that just talking to yourself will not do it. Talking is 7% of communication, tonality is 38%, the other 55% is physiology. To tell yourself that you are happy, grateful, superior, or whatever uplifting phrase you choose to use, must be said with conviction, belief that it is true, and followed by actions that support that new belief and emotion. I can tell myself that I am an astronaut. I can even say it with conviction and fake myself into believing it. However, the moment someone asks me to pilot the space shuttle, my world crumbles around me. Then I feel depressed, scared, embarrased, guilt, etc (all bad emotions), due to the fact I took no action to make my new belief a reality.

Personally, I dove into self help with no guidance other than “Unlimited Power” by Anthony Robbins. For me it was perfect, it read just like a text book,or instruction manual, if you will. That is how my brain works, very logical and methodical. Today, the self help world has gotten diluted with many people who have no idea what self help really is. It took me many years to realize just how to effectively make changes that last. My initial changes did not last. I wasn’t living the life to support my changes. And now too many self helpers think it is OK just to tell someone to tell themselves, “I am happy”.

Now, people looking to self help, should get guidance from someone who has been there, with lots of experience. I advise them to check out the person they are going to confide in. Just as the fact you would not trust your physiology to a quack doctor, definately don’t trust your brain to a quack life coach. They can cause considerably more pain than the physician, because they will create for you a life of complete turmoil, and it may become irreparable.

If you should still choose to do it on your own, remember this above all else, “You must walk the talk!”, if you don’t, you will not achieve your goal, no matter what the goal is.

As far as the Canadian researchers, sorry it took you so long to figure this out! I can give you some lessons if you like!

     We all have experienced the dreaded sleepless night when the next day is a work day. Upon waking, the only thought on our mind is, “I don’t want to go to work!” Then we begin a dialogue that traverses the entire morning until at the last minute, we decide, we are not going to work.

     I don’t want to go to work. I have to go to work. Work sucks and I don’t want to go. My boss will get mad at me if I don’t go. Who cares what he thinks, he’ll get over it. But if I don’t go in, the project won’t get done right or at all. Oh well, I’ll catch it up later. How much money will I lose if I take today off? Wow, that much, let me see if I can afford to take it off. No, but what the hell, live a little, right. No, you can’t be that irresponsible. Everyone else does it, why not me?…………………………………………………………On and on! I’m not going in!

     Now that that has been decided, what is my excuse? Sick, family emergency, dog chewed my tire off, hair is falling out, car won’t crank, cat peed on my clothes(all of them), I have Spring fever, I’m still drunk from last night, city is paving my street, I’m going into labor, my hair is green, my agoraphobia is kicking in,…………………………………On and on. Then you decide on the only rational excuse there is, I’m sick!

     Now all this stress actually makes you sick, so you spend the day lying around on the couch feeling guilty about calling in. This causes more stress and throughout the day, you continue to ask yourself, should I have just gone in. Now you are back to arguing with yourself again and getting more stressed out. The kicker is you can’t leave the house, because you called in sick and you can’t be seen in public in fear of being caught in a lie.

     Wouldn’t it have been easier just to go to work?