For those of you who may still follow me after my long absence, I’m back and ready to get back to some new topics. My life is chaotic at best, my mind is completely off right now, and my heart is trying to heal. Not that any of this truly matters, but I guess splitting with your wife of 13 yrs will do these things.

I have been trying many things to keep my mind busy, but it is just too powerful. I can drink myself into oblivion, and I still only have one thought, why has my life gone on this path? I can surf the internet all day, and at the end of the day, the same thought occurs! It seems no matter what I do, I look backwards now and wonder what I did so wrong along the way to make my life what it is right now. We do reap what we sow, so I’m wondering, just how bad were the seeds that I planted?

But, as with true S.Taylor form, I don’t stay in these moods for long. I’ve been here for 2 months now, by FAR the longest I have ever been in this state of mind. I’m now getting back to looking forward, life is not so bleak. I’m not a horrible person, I’m a good person who has put himself in a bad situation. It will do me no good to beat myself up forever, because the present and future is all that matters. I cannot and would not, change the past. I will know the good things that are just around the corner.

The places I have been in the past two months and the things I’ve done, I’ll keep off the public blog but will give answers to those that ask. Let’s just say, anyone in their right mind would wonder if I was trying to commit suicide by default. And I will say, the thought of death or dying myself, has no more emotion for me than sitting down to have a beer. I seem to have reached a new plateau of thoughtlessness and I, at this time, genuinely could care less if I died tomorrow or at age 100. I have decided that I will no longer be bound by limits that I or anyone else have placed on me. I have never agreed with the conservative society with all it’s rules on how things should be and what you should do, I’m going to do what I want to do even more aggressively than what I used to.

I just got a job offer yesterday, it is in Wilmington, which is somewhere I do not want to be, but, it is work. It is sales and I will make the best of it. It’s been a long time since I’ve been in sales, I’ll have to brush up the skills a bit, but I believe I will be the once famous powerhouse salesman again in no time. ( How’d you like the arrogance there, see, I am getting better) LOL!!!

My biggest dilemma now is, where do I want to live? I have definitely ruled out  Augusta for many reasons: 1. No coastline to visit, 2: Parents in the area, 3: Dreary ass weather, 4: Back to number 2, parents have become VERY opinionated and negative and they have lived here all their life, I do not want to become like them AT ALL!!!

My preference will be Florida, somewhere. I like the Southern Florida area, but would prefer west coast, not east coast. It looks as though I will be locked up in NC at least for a little bit until I get my feet back on the ground. And get this, after months of searching for a decent job, I get one, and it just so happens to be selling life insurance and annuities, and immediately my Dad says turn it down because Obama is ruining that industry.  $600.00 per week to train for 7 weeks, I think I’ll take it for now, make the most of it and see where it goes. If they pay $600.00 per week to train, I’m sure the real commissions will be wonderfully surprising!

Bye for now, will write more later on my NEW life and all the adventures I know I will encounter!!

     I have always been fascinated with that wall. The amount of time and effort it took to build it. The energy output to keep it in shape and secure. The many beliefs it took just to create the idea of such a barrier are immense. Since all actions begin with a thought, what were those thoughts?

     First I guess you must believe that someone is out to hurt you. This could have been a civilization living right next to you for a very long time, and now due to some event, you feel that they are going to destroy your way of life. Then would come the thought that “I must detach from them in order to stay secure, keep my way of life as it is.” If I give in to their way of thinking, I’m certainly going to be ruined.

     Secondly, you must analyze to what extent you must become detached. Is it a line in the sand? Or barbed wire fence? or maybe even a brick wall. These are so small in comparison to the Great Wall. It was meant to keep people out Forever. There was never a line in the sand or small fence. No, it became a monolith in it’s own right. Why, when on the other side is a tremendous familiarity. Surely at times even a friendly neighbor with whom you endevored in trade, laughed with, cryed with or for, even physically attracted to.

     This monolith was created over time with many spent tears and heavy emotions. Lives were changed on many different levels. As it was reinforced, you begin to notice some trying to cross the barrier, but to no avail. You alone have total control on who comes in and out. Oh, the things you will miss by having such a grand structure under your control.

     It has been built with such complexity that it may never be abolished. The items that may be found by doing so could detroy everything we think we know. Our beliefs of what is and what was, may be found to be untrue. I have seen this wall first hand. It is enormous, strong, imperveable, weather resistant and never ending.

     Upon trying to scale this wall, I encountered many obstacles. First being, there are no hand holds to grab onto. Then there are the daggers that protrude from the wall, designed to cut you until you realize that your efforts are futile. At times the wall seems to disappear, but this too is an illusion. Just when you gain hope by it’s disappearance, it screams back into existence all in the name of causing extreme pain. You try and try, encountering more and more obstacles until you feel you can go on no more. Then it hits you, “Why am I torturing myself like this?”

     Avoiding pain is an inbred trait that we cannot swerve ourselves away from. As much as we think we want what is over that wall, we start to realize, maybe it’s not so bad where I’m at. So then we begin to ignore the wall and move away from the pain it causes us. Because it is then we realize the one fatal flaw of the wall, it can’t follow us. It is the sole property of the owner and simply cannot move until they move it.

     So as I end my story, it was detrimental to the evolution of any relationship to build the wall. Even worse to maintain it and make it stronger. Sadly enough, the wall, until it is moved, will cause nothing but pain to anyone who encounters the monolith. Surely, if you have built a wall, you must realize on the other side are people who knew you at one time and are hoping that the wall will be demolished so that they may once again enjoy your presence.

     Should you decide that your wall is more important, only you know what you will lose by keeping it!

http://www.thepetitionsite.com/2/stop-dissection-of-live-animals

#10 expanding and perpetuating the use of racial preferences
#9 creating new constitutional rights to physician-assisted suicide and human cloning
#8 expanding judicial oversight of military detentions and CIA interrogations
#7 prohibiting tuition vouchers for religious schools
#6 banning the death penalty
#5 requiring taxpayers to fund essentially unlimited abortion rights
#4 creating new constitutional rights to massive government welfare and medical care programs
#3 stripping “under God” from the Pledge of Allegiance
#2 eroding property rights
#1 ordering all 50 states to bless gay marriage

 

     Is there anything you Republicans aren’t afraid of? If so, please comment for me so I can learn. Fear, fear, fear, fear is all that you preach. Take care of me and my own, is all that you believe. There are 6 billion people on this planet, all with varying beliefs. What makes you so much more special? If American, the melting pot of the world, was run by republican philosophy only, there would be nothing but filthy rich white folks living here. I am a white man, and I would hate to live in that reality.

BEWARE OF HE WHO TRIES TO POISON YOUR MIND AGAINST ANOTHER UNDER THE PRETENSE OF HELPING YOU. THE CHANCES ARE A THOUSAND TO ONE HE IS TRYING TO HELP HIMSELF.

Napolean Hill

     Well here it is another week. I’ve learned that if I don’t watch the news, I don’t have as much to say. I think the news is relevant in our lives, but useless. Most news is tainted and the truth lies somewhere buried on someones desk because they were paid not to print it. If you watch other countries news, you find a whole new perspective on how things truly are.

     As mentors always say, there is more than one side to the story. We should take the time to learn the other sides of thought. I don’t mean the radicals side, because that is what we get every day, I mean the real mans story. The one, who like most of us, is affected by what goes on and is not an active player.

     What is the true agenda of the news media? Are they really trying to get the facts out, or simply trying to twist the facts for better ratings and more sales of their particular media? I fear we are becoming to attached to the rhetoric of extremists. This would make us no better than Islamic extremists. We hear of shootings and other deaths related to the hype the media blares out. Yet the media gets little blame.

     Personally, I am wary of the man!

     I just don’t have any great stories this week, just some complaining and griping about little stuff. I started taking a NOS supplement again and boy does it make a difference in motivation level. I worked out so hard I think I pushed a couple of muscles a little too far, mainly my shoulders and middle back. Either way, I’m not injured so it feels great and I feel great.

     On occasion, Patti says I have this attitude when someone tells me I’m wrong or things don’t get done my way. Honestly, it feels that when these times pop up, I just don’t care. It really doesn’t matter to me, so I guess, no reaction comes off as pouting or so it would seem. I’m changing and I don’t think we have caught up to each other yet.

     Work is just that. It has changed and now I have to start invoicing again. Should it continue as it did last week, there will be a need to discuss higher pay per hour or going back to bidding for jobs. I haven’t had to chase my money in a year or so, and if I’m going to go there again, then it won’t be at my current rate of pay. It may very well be a time for change here also.

     Other than those things I’m enjoying life. I love watching the birds and the squirrels in the morning, the weather is awesome, I’m currently watching my grass grow(exciting huh?), and overall have gotten back to seeing nature interact with itself as well as us. It is truly amazing the things that happen without guidance, or so it would seem.

     Fiona’s little pups have opened their eyes and are now getting to all fours. The fun is about to begin. Well enough for now, it’s Saturday and I’ve got things to accomplish. I know this weeks post is a bit boring, but don’t you worry, by Monday I’m sure to have something I’m passionate about.

Growing Old

     We are all growing old and given the current path I am on, I surely hope I can be this fit when I am his age!