For those of you who may still follow me after my long absence, I’m back and ready to get back to some new topics. My life is chaotic at best, my mind is completely off right now, and my heart is trying to heal. Not that any of this truly matters, but I guess splitting with your wife of 13 yrs will do these things.

I have been trying many things to keep my mind busy, but it is just too powerful. I can drink myself into oblivion, and I still only have one thought, why has my life gone on this path? I can surf the internet all day, and at the end of the day, the same thought occurs! It seems no matter what I do, I look backwards now and wonder what I did so wrong along the way to make my life what it is right now. We do reap what we sow, so I’m wondering, just how bad were the seeds that I planted?

But, as with true S.Taylor form, I don’t stay in these moods for long. I’ve been here for 2 months now, by FAR the longest I have ever been in this state of mind. I’m now getting back to looking forward, life is not so bleak. I’m not a horrible person, I’m a good person who has put himself in a bad situation. It will do me no good to beat myself up forever, because the present and future is all that matters. I cannot and would not, change the past. I will know the good things that are just around the corner.

The places I have been in the past two months and the things I’ve done, I’ll keep off the public blog but will give answers to those that ask. Let’s just say, anyone in their right mind would wonder if I was trying to commit suicide by default. And I will say, the thought of death or dying myself, has no more emotion for me than sitting down to have a beer. I seem to have reached a new plateau of thoughtlessness and I, at this time, genuinely could care less if I died tomorrow or at age 100. I have decided that I will no longer be bound by limits that I or anyone else have placed on me. I have never agreed with the conservative society with all it’s rules on how things should be and what you should do, I’m going to do what I want to do even more aggressively than what I used to.

I just got a job offer yesterday, it is in Wilmington, which is somewhere I do not want to be, but, it is work. It is sales and I will make the best of it. It’s been a long time since I’ve been in sales, I’ll have to brush up the skills a bit, but I believe I will be the once famous powerhouse salesman again in no time. ( How’d you like the arrogance there, see, I am getting better) LOL!!!

My biggest dilemma now is, where do I want to live? I have definitely ruled out  Augusta for many reasons: 1. No coastline to visit, 2: Parents in the area, 3: Dreary ass weather, 4: Back to number 2, parents have become VERY opinionated and negative and they have lived here all their life, I do not want to become like them AT ALL!!!

My preference will be Florida, somewhere. I like the Southern Florida area, but would prefer west coast, not east coast. It looks as though I will be locked up in NC at least for a little bit until I get my feet back on the ground. And get this, after months of searching for a decent job, I get one, and it just so happens to be selling life insurance and annuities, and immediately my Dad says turn it down because Obama is ruining that industry.  $600.00 per week to train for 7 weeks, I think I’ll take it for now, make the most of it and see where it goes. If they pay $600.00 per week to train, I’m sure the real commissions will be wonderfully surprising!

Bye for now, will write more later on my NEW life and all the adventures I know I will encounter!!

Nan-in, a Japanese master during the Meiji era (1868-1912), received a university professor who came to inquire about Zen.

Nan-in served tea. He poured his visitor’s cup full, and then kept on pouring.

The professor watched the overflow until he no longer could restrain himself. “It is overfull. No more will go in!”

“Like this cup,” Nan-in said, “you are full of your own opinions and speculations. How can I show you Zen unless you first empty your cup?”

     The lesson is seems easy, but can you do what it suggests?

     This will I’m sure raise a few tempers. Why do Cristians always ask in their initial meeting at some point, “Do you go to church?” I know they are digging just so that the next question can be, “Where do you go?” and at that point they are going to get the denomination because it is always included in the name of the church name.

     Does it matter, either question? What is so special about going to church anyway? It seems that a bunch of like minded people get together just so that they can have someone stand on a podium and profess to the congregation how right they are to be there. This person will also tell them that what they are currently thinking is correct and therefore justify to the individuals that they are righteous, good and probably better than everyone else who does not go to church.

     What a crock of crap! Jesus never had a church and certainly neither did God! They spread their word from person to person and from time to time, people would gather at his location on their own. Was his message diluted in some way because he did not have a central locale he called church?

     Secondly, the person preaching, who said he was a good enough person to tell you what you should believe? Another person who really has no credentials. I say this because I don’t remember, recently anyway, God or Jesus, ever telling anyone that they were pure enough to talk about what is right and wrong. Let he who is without sin cast the first stone.

     I could tirade on forever, but understand, I’m not knocking any particular faith. I myself am a Taoist, believeing that I see, your God, my Tao, in everything, and I do mean everything. I believe that a much better understanding of God can be reached by observing nature and it’s reaction to itself. Why would I want someone telling me how things are, when I can see them for myself. Now is all that matters, and I don’t need to join a “support group” to feel I am right.

     Don’t get me wrong, I believe there is a God, but I am comfortable enough with what I don’t know, to say I don’t know. Where does he live?  What does he look like? What is his purpose for us, for himself? Did he really do all those things in the Bible? Why does he not have more written? Has goodness ceased to exist and therefore no writings are necessary? Does he have a wife, other kids? You see where I am going?

     No one knows the answers to these things and those that think they do will tell you, “In the good book it says……”. In other words, I myself, do not know, I only know what I am told. Maybe this why you are refered to as sheep in the Bible also.

     So the next time you ask me, “Do you go to Church?”, I will most likely just say “No, I do not.”, because I don’t think you would understand anyway.

Have a wonderful day, every day!

     I just don’t have any great stories this week, just some complaining and griping about little stuff. I started taking a NOS supplement again and boy does it make a difference in motivation level. I worked out so hard I think I pushed a couple of muscles a little too far, mainly my shoulders and middle back. Either way, I’m not injured so it feels great and I feel great.

     On occasion, Patti says I have this attitude when someone tells me I’m wrong or things don’t get done my way. Honestly, it feels that when these times pop up, I just don’t care. It really doesn’t matter to me, so I guess, no reaction comes off as pouting or so it would seem. I’m changing and I don’t think we have caught up to each other yet.

     Work is just that. It has changed and now I have to start invoicing again. Should it continue as it did last week, there will be a need to discuss higher pay per hour or going back to bidding for jobs. I haven’t had to chase my money in a year or so, and if I’m going to go there again, then it won’t be at my current rate of pay. It may very well be a time for change here also.

     Other than those things I’m enjoying life. I love watching the birds and the squirrels in the morning, the weather is awesome, I’m currently watching my grass grow(exciting huh?), and overall have gotten back to seeing nature interact with itself as well as us. It is truly amazing the things that happen without guidance, or so it would seem.

     Fiona’s little pups have opened their eyes and are now getting to all fours. The fun is about to begin. Well enough for now, it’s Saturday and I’ve got things to accomplish. I know this weeks post is a bit boring, but don’t you worry, by Monday I’m sure to have something I’m passionate about.